To school and back

In the morning, had intended to go and look for her, after my interview. Was told she's going school soon. Yah. Drop the intention. This was around 11+am. Guess what? After my swimming, and lunch, around 3+pm, she's still home, just finished her lunch. So much for going school soon. Don't know if i'm being too sensitive or what. But if she's not comfortable in letting me go find her, why did she said she's going to school, but few hours later, still let me know she's at home?

Well, at least when i told her that i accompany her to school, there's no rejection. Nothing much worth to write about during the journey, except during the bus trip to the school. Bus was packed. Standing very close to each other and it was fun. We joked around and doesn't feel so much like "strangers". Lol.

Was feeling quite bored after she went into her class. Thinking, might as well stay and read my book since i'm already at the school. Just another 2 1/2 hours to go only (after dinner time. Haha). Well, guess what she sms me after she got home? "Next time don't wait for her, if not she don't even want me to accompany her to school already." OK. Now, can't stay in school to read books and wait for her. Followed by, can't accompany her to school. Then followed by maybe can't even go her place to find her. Can't go and look for her for lunch. Slowly, but sure. It will come to a junction where, "Don't even call/sms me?"........ Yes? No? Or is there other reasons? She said i didn't understand her previously. But she can't expect, for all things, one or two sentences and it's expected of me to understand the underlying meanings that she's carrying.

In fact, today with her was quite ok. As in, there's not much annoyance from her. Rather, there was some playfulness that was so familiar previously. Maybe previously, i might have feel that "woah", nice feeling, but now, i'm beginning not to have so many fantasies of good feelings anymore. As in, not every good feelings mean that chances of getting back is greater. To me, if she don't mind to treat me as a 1/2 past 6 boyfriend, as in sometimes hold her waist, shoulders, etc. That's good. Don't think there'll really gonna be any real hugs, kiss, or even holding hands etc. Just like having a "boyfriend", but without the commitment, someone there for her when she needed, someone to make her feel loved, etc. Best thing is, maybe it's not from only 1 person, which makes it all the more better. A choices of how she wanted to feel at that particular time?? I really don't think she'll allow other guys to hug or kiss or .... with her, if they are not her boyfriend. But, really, I'm not too sure about the holding hands, waist, shoulders, etc. I don't know why. Maybe i'm too sensitive? But it's difficult not to when she's communicating lesser to you than to her other guy friends. Told me not to wait for her for her lesson to end, but will she reject other friend if they wanted to "study" with her in between her lessons? Hmm......

Yah, we talked on the phone. You may think, "Yeah, not bad. That's talking there what." But it's talking without emotions. Talking without the mood. "Hey, com'on. You're asking for too much, man. Said there's no talking, now there's talking and you're still complaining?" I know i know. Talking is good. Am i asking for too much? Maybe. If there's no joy, in the conversation, towards the person you are talking to, is it still consider communication?