My fault again???

Well, this is the second day without calling. But really, i don't want her to call today as well. I know today she's really tired. Yesterday full day, last night sleep so late, today woke up early, reached home, the day is nearly gone too. So....i declare, today is not counted. Haha.

As last night slept quite late... around 4am, today also got up quite late, around 10am. Walao, what you expect? Late sleep of cause late wake up! Lol.

Actually i think last night after i dropped her off, we talked on the phone for about 2 hrs. Sort of "discussing", the differences that led to our separation. Well, it makes me shiver, just to think about last night.

Went to her place to get some of my certificates scanned. Called her before i went up. Press her door bell once. Ding dong. About 30 seconds later, she opened the door. First sentence.."You press once only? What if i didn't hear and you just wait here?" I'm soooo gonna burst out of my skin. Of course, I will press again if i waited for like 1 or 2 mins LAH. Some allowance, in case busy in toilet or anything. Think i goondoo ah!!! But no. I didn't say anything. Just smile. Well, if you want to control your temper, for every unhappiness, smile first. Yeah. Back tracked a bit. If i were to press a couple more times, i guess, she might just say"Why you press so many times? Think i cannot hear?" Gotta live with every little step is a landmine.

Finished doing what i was there for (no man, don't get it wrong. Just did my scanning of certificates. Now is not the past. Won't wanna be charge molest for no reason. Lol). Time for her to go school too. On the bus, we were just talking and suddenly she said "should have make the resolution of the scanning lesser, then maybe easier to send via email." To which i replied, "Well, i told u no need to be that good in the quality already. As long as can see, it's good enough". Guess what??? She got angry and said back "So now, you blaming me already lah." Oh my *&%$#. I was just trying to let her know that i do not need such high quality scanned documents and now she's blaming me that she did the high quality scan??? I can back down and apologise for it, but surprising, i didn't. Instead, i sort of told her off. I knew this will jeopardized the relationship between us more, but i would rather let her understand that although i may always give in to her nowadays, but don't take it for granted. Flaring up over nothing, is something i won't give in too.

Got off the bus and she called me to return the bag which i'm helping her to carry, back to her. Took the back and just walked very fast to the train station. I didn't try to pacify her nor try to catch up with her. Just walked my normal speed, top up my card and go on my own way. Maybe i didn't tell her, but i wanted her to know that sometimes unreasonable attitudes and actions or emotions are not going to get her her way. She can be angry with me for all i care. Cause i know if she carried on this attitude, sooner or later, she's gonna be the reflection of me previously.

Today she's having night lessons. Smsed her when her lesson finished, asking her to inform me (if she don't mind) when she's home. As by the time she's home, it's fairly late. No doubt, i'm hoping that she will at at least sms me when she's home, but i think that she may still be sore about afternoon's incident and just ignored it. Thus i didn't even bother to bring my phone along when i brought my dog for a walk. Surprised surprised. She did sms me. First time, i didn't know as i wasn't home. Second sms was just a "Good Night". Well, good enough. So, me too, sms her back "Good Night".

How will this going to fold in the future? I don't know. I understand that it's really tough and tiring for her right now. Working part time on her off days. Needa really study hard for the other days. The only real quality time with her family is only on Sunday. No wonder, the easiest thing to let go, of course is me. Lol. But, yah, it's a "no choice" type of choice. Or maybe, there's really no feelings left for me? Or maybe, as what she said, if she's still with me, she will feel obligated towards me, but she really can't afford more time out already. For me to choose, definitely i will choose the latter.