Happiest day for the pass 6 weeks

Wondering if the title should be right. Early in the morning, after i sms her greetings, what i got in return was her annoyance. Didn't know how i should feel then. But at least, she's starting to tell me more of how she felt, like it wasn't the greetings that annoyed her, but the "smiley" thingy. OK. I don't know why. But i felt my whole body was in freezing mode. My heart literally went into coldness. I was just shivering there. It was a very very bad feeling.

Decided to meet her after my job end. Was glad that she seem ok in meeting me. Waited for close to an hour. In fact, i think, if it was a couple of months back, i might have been quite angry about waiting. But this time round, i wasn't. The feeling of waiting was quite neutral. Have i changed? I don't know. I really hope i had changed. Changed into knowing that when she's late coming out of work is because there's unfinished business, not because she dilly-dallied.

While walking to the train station, we had quite a fair bit of talking. There were laughters. Real laughters. Today's train was quite packed with commuters initially. It gave me a chance to stand very near her. As near as when we were a real couple. She was nearly leaning onto me while she was reading her book. I really had thought of just putting my hand on her shoulder or waist or anywhere on her, but i didn't do it. I was really afraid that she might just moved away. Towards the middle of the journey, she got a seat. I don't know if it's because i stand too near her or she sits nearer to the edge, even when one was standing, one was sitting, it didn't seem like there's a distance between us at all. On one occasion, our faces were just slightly more than a palm's length away only.

After getting off the train station, she said wanted to buy some bread at 7-eleven. I knew that breads are sold at same prices irregardless of where, as it's regulated by the bread company. But i just tricked her into going NTUC fairprice to buy the bread. I just wanted to spend 15 minutes more with her. Walking into the shopping centre, we were "arguing" (well, not the real thing, lol) about the prices of the bread. Lol. I forgot what we were talking about that led me to holding her arm. Yes, arm. Shit! Why arm only. I wanted to just slide down and try holding her hand, but i don't know how will she react. To me, she's still my girlfriend, the one i still love very much. To her, i may just be an ex-boyfriend. Will she allow an ex-boyfriend to hold her hand? I don't know. Has she ever allowed that before? I don't know too. There's just lots of uncertainties that i'm facing, that i do not want to take chance. Or rather, i do not want myself to think that she will allow her ex-boyfriend to hold her hand. I believe she's not these kind of girl, and that is also why I don't dare to try.

Frankly speaking, i was extremely hungry after buying the bread. Walked pass jollybean and saw "wholemeal cheese taro". Was thinking "hmm.... seems not bad". Just made a small comment that it might taste good. Sensing that i want to eat, she said will buy it for me even when i said it's ok, i don't want. It just....seems like the old her. Back to her old self, where she will care so much about me. I was very touch and surprised by her reaction. I really don't anticipate this coming.

I don't know why, but i just sms her "Thank you", after i board the bus. I really wanna thank her for being happy and being concern about my hungryness. Thank her for talking to me, without any hint of hatred, without any hint of thinking he things i said will be against her. Really "Thank You".

11.15pm. Another surprise. Guess what? She called. She really did call. This time, it was only 2 days without calling me and on the 3rd day, today, she called. Throughtout the 1/2hr that we talked, there were nothing that made her unhappy about. Is there really nothing that made her unhappy in our conversation? I don't know, again, and i don't care also. Lol. All i care about now is that we are able to carry on our conversation nicely. At the end, she still said "Good night" to me. Oh God! I gotta go back and thank Mother Mary, Our Lady of Fatimah, soon. Maybe, just maybe, as what Beatles sang "When i find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me.".

I really hope the things that happen tonight is the starting, and not by accident. I just finished watching the rest of "Fated to Love You". I think the main character "Ji Chunxi" really taught me a lot towards the end on how to treat his partner if he really loves the person. Whenever "Xinyi" feels sad about something, he will empathize with her and tell her things that made her worries doesn't seem so important anymore.

I hope, i can have a second chance to treat her good. To show that i really care about her. To show i have changed. Just like what "Xinyi" gave "Chunxi".